Situations
by Kurotsuki-Tenchi
Summary: Ever wanted a guide to help you with certain situatons? The Resident Evil characters are here to help in a guide that could help you no matter what your troubles are! New CHAPTER posted! Proper Eating Etiquette; Part 1. Waiting and Ordering!
1. Making Friends

**Black Dragon41**

Hello, I am Black Dragon41, not Kurostuki-Tenchi. I am her sister and we share the same profile.

We all get into crappy situations in some point in our lives, and who's there to help? No one! Who'd really care other than ourselves anyways? I do! And I will set up some of those situations and use the resident evil characters to help sort out the right from wrong.

_Warning__: may be very disturbing and crack-like in some situations._

**Disclaimer****: I do not own Resident Evil, Chris, Wesker, Jill, Rebecca, Billy or Saddler. **

~Making Friends~

Are you having trouble making friends? Are you tired of all of those failed attempts? Do you have anyone to hang out with? This fic section is the answer to all of your questions! After this, you will no longer be the _'avoided' _kid around your neighborhood. In using all of our favorite Resident evil characters, you can be shown the correct way in scoring some awesome friends and do away with loneliness. Billy and Rebecca will demonstrate how to make friends, the right way.

The **right** way to make friends: Situation 1- In the city park on a nice and sunny day. A lonely but intimidating guy sits alone on a picnic bench, until a friendly looking stranger approaches.

Billy: "Uh, Hello? How are you today?"

Rebecca: "I am doing fine, how about you?"

Billy: "Good, I guess. What's your name? I am Billy." Holds out his hand to shake.

Rebecca: She greets him by shaking his hand. "Billy? That's a cute name for such a tough looking guy, I am Rebecca."

Billy: "It was a pleasure to meet you Rebecca."

Rebecca: "Thanks. It was a pleasure for me too." Takes a seat on the bench next to him. "So what brings you here to the park?"

Billy: "I like to get out ya know. Mom always complains about me sitting in the house all day and stuff."

Rebecca: "Really, my mom is the same, she always…."

Sparking up conversations is a good way to make friends, so be sure to be happy, friendly, and respectful at all times. If you avoid Situation 2 below, then you will hopefully make some everlasting friends and good friendships. And remember, there are plenty of other ways to make friends. Just be sure to be kind and courteous to everyone.

Now you must avoid making friends in the next situation. Wesker, Chris, Jill, and Saddler will be demonstrating the wrong way in making friends. Do not attempt for any reason, there are '_consequences_' if you follow this procedure.

What **NOT** to do, to make friends: Situation 2- In the city, a dark alleyway next to the trash bins. Three friends; Chris, Jill, and Saddler talk about the basketball game they went to last night, until an unfriendly and shady stranger approached them.

Jill: "Did you see Brad make that 3 pointer, it was awesome!"

Saddler: "Why yes, he scored the winning point. I never knew he was that good, odd huh?"

Chris: "Yeah, I never thought he could…." Looks around and see's the stranger. Both Saddler and Jill also turn around to see the unwelcome guest. "Wesker?!! What in the hell do you want?!" He pulls out a pocket knife and holds it out at him.

Wesker: He then pulls out his silencer and aims it at Chris. "I am going to be your friend. Like it or not."

Chris: "What?! No way in hell!"

Jill: "Bastard!"

Saddler: "What?"

Wesker: "Oh, but you will." He then pulls a detonation device from his long coat. "If you do not become my benefactor then I will annihilate over half of humanity with Uroboros, and it is not likely that you'll survive it.

Chris: "You bastard!"

Wesker: "So what will it be… _associate_?" He grins evilly.

Forcibly terrorizing people to become your friends is not the proper way to make friends, but instead make adversaries or enemies. Although I advise you not to attempt, I just know that someone somewhere out there is going to try and not only the method in situation 2, but in the list below as well. This is the list of what you should not do to make friends:

1. Do **Not** engage in hostile activity towards them

2. Do **Not **use blackmail as an excuse

3. Do **Not** enforce them by bio-terrorist weapons

4. Do **Not** beat the living shit out of them until they submit

5. Do **Not** inject them with deadly controlling viruses.

**Remember: Friends are Forever, but Evil is for Eternity.**

**A/N****: So how was it? Please Review. XD Also! If you have any other situations that you'd like to suggest for the next chapter, please leave it in a review or send it to me. ;)**


	2. Getting pulled over

**~Black Dragon41~**

**Disclaimer: I don't own Resident Evil, Leon, Luis, Krasuer, Wesker, Alexia, Barry, Alfred, or Sheva.**

_Warning__: may be very disturbing and crack-like in some situations._

Getting pulled over

Are you having trouble with getting pulled over? Are you constantly chased down by the cops for speeding or breaking laws? Receiving way too many tickets? Or are you a law abiding citizen, and you happen to make a mistake for the first time and need help or tips to settle the situation? Or are you one of those guys who like to piss-off the police and end up in deeper shit? Well this section will help you in avoiding further trouble with the law enforcement and show you the right and wrong way to handle the situation. Leon will demonstrate how to properly handle the situation with the bluecoats.

The **right**way to handle the arm of the law: Situation 1- A blonde and handsome man is on his way to a friend's party and has accidentally ran a stop light and there just happens to be a county sheriff behind him. The sirens go off. Leon quickly and safely pulls over onto the side of the road and the police cruiser pulls up behind him. The cop exits his vehicle and walks up to Leon's car.

Leon: He rolls down his window. "Hello, can I help you?"

Luis: "Sir, did you know that you ran a stoplight?"

Leon: "Uh, no… I did?"

Luis: He points a flashlight at Leon. "Sir, I am going to need your driver's license."

Leon: "Uh, sure." He pulls out his billfold and hands the license to the cop.

Luis: He walks over to his cruiser and runs Leon's license and name. Then walks back. "Sir, your name is clean, so I'll give you a warning this time." He hands Leon the license.

Leon: He sighs. "Oh thank you. I was running late to a party so… It was an honest mistake, I won't do it again."

Luis: "Alright now, have a nice night sir." He walks back to his car….

Getting pulled over by the cops is big deal, so remember to keep calm in the situation. Also, be kind to the police. Starting an argument will get you into deeper trouble and as for fighting, it will likely get you thrown in jail. If you remain clam and collective through out the ordeal, then it will be less stressful and quick for you and the law enforcement.

Now you must avoid with all means necessary for the wrong way to handle the police, following the guidelines below will give you a _'one way ticket' _to prison and/or court. The next two situations will demonstrate what not to do when getting pulled over, you've been warned.

The **wrong** way to handle the arm of the law: Situation 1- Five friends; Krauser, Barry, Alexia, Lisa, and Sheva are late to a friend's party. As they sped on the highway, a law enforcement officer chased after them. The chase lasted for thirteen minutes before the group finally gave up the chase, they then pulled over and so did the police. The officer exits his vehicle and walks to the speeders, flashlight in hand and the other on his gun.

Krauser: Rolls down his window. "Fucking horseshit!"

Sheva: She sighs heavily. "They got us now."

Alexia: Smacks the back of krauser's head. "You let them get us! Fucking worthless asshole!"

Krauser: "look! I'll take care of the problem okay!"

Barry: "Well make it quick, we're gonna be late!"

Lisa T: "Uhhnnggnn!

Luis: Holds out the gun at the driver. "Sir, get out of the vehicle right now! You are under arrest!"

Krauser: "For what account?"

Luis: "Speeding, running several red lights and stop signs, wreckless driving, public endangerment and most-likely resisting arrest."

Krasuer: "Hmmmm? Got that right!" His arm transforms into a long blade and then he stabs it through the cop. "Loser!"

Luis: "Ugghhhh!" He falls to the ground and slowly dies. The party goers drive off quickly….

Not the best way to avoid arrest, but violence is the ticket for some people. I highly encourage you to use little or no violence against the officers. However the next situation is one reason why you don't mess with the law enforcement.

The **wrong** way to handle the arm of the law: Situation 2- A cross-dressing man happens to be driving to a formal dance class, however, he was being perused by a cop for speeding. Although he was really determined to get to his dance classes on time and he had a plan to rid the officer. So he quickly pulled over and the officer did as well, then approached the vehicle.

Alfred: "Damn idiot, can't wait to punish you for my mishaps." He whispered and giggled girly. He placed his large purse or _man-bag _over his AK47, that laid in the passenger seat.

Wesker: He walks up to the window. "Madam…???! Or…… Sir? You were traveling 70 mph on a 45 limit for the past kilometer? I am going to need to see your license."

Alfred: "Ah, is that so?" He sneakily pulled up the gun from under the bag and loaded the rounds into the policeman's chest.

Wesker: "Uggh!" He stumbled back a few feet.

Alfred: "No fool is going to delay my lessons. Why you're just a…."

Wesker: He angrily punched his fist into the car door, literally twisting the steel. He ripped the door off with ease. "Assaulting an officer? That's against the law, which means you are now under arrest."

Alfred: "AH SHIT! MY CAR!!! ….. SHIT MYSELF!!!" He held the gun up again and continued to unload his rounds.

Wesker: He smirked wickedly. "I get highly amused when they resist arrest. However, I am going to need a body bag for this one."

Alfred: !!! "Stay away from me, you freak!" He pressed the gas petal and drove, but the officer vanished and repapered in the front of the vehicle.

Wesker: He brought his fist down on the engine and smashed it to bits. "I am starting to enjoy this profession."

Alfred: "AHH SHIT!"….

Don't mess with the law enforcement, this situation was the reason why I warned you.

Resisting arrest and assaulting an officer can land you in a world of trouble. Although I highly doubt that the police men can rip off your car door and smash your beauty of steel to bits, instead they would likely:

1. Mace your face

2. Shove a gun into your chest

3. Beat the shit out of you with their night stick

4. Unpredictably tackle you

5. Shock the shit out of you with a taiser

6. Yank you out of the car, slam you down against the road and force you to eat asphalt

7. Shoot you to death…. …………….. ……….. ….nuff said

Please be a law abiding citizen for your own sake, because 90% of the time, the law wins. Be sure to drive safely, and good night.

**A/N****: Please read and review. Also, give me some of the tight situations that you get into. Resident Evil will be able to help you, in some sort of manner. Odd? XD**


	3. Proper Eating Etiquette Part 1

**~Black Dragon41~**

**Disclaimer:** **I Do not own Resident Evil, Claire, Steve, Chris, Wesker, Alexia, Nemesis, Jill, Salazar, Barry or Sherry.**

This chapter is LONG, just to warn you.

_Warning__: may be very disturbing and crack-like in some situations._

**This section has two parts, this is part one: Proper eating etiquette; Waiting and Ordering. **

Proper eating etiquette/table manners 

Having trouble eating properly around your guests? Always diving face first into your plate? Always having trouble proving to your mom that you have manners, although she knows you don't? Can't hold a fork and spoon properly? Afraid to handle a simple dinner knife? If you are having these troubles than you are reading the right fic! This section will help you rid of your disgusting behavior at the table for any meal of the day, especially when you have invited friends over or your parents have a guest come over for dinner. Say goodbye to the table beast, and learn to really feast like a real pro. Claire, Steve, and Sherry will properly demonstrate the right way for the eating etiquette.

The **proper** way to handle your etiquette/manners at the table: Situation 1- Claire has invited two of her best friends to a dinner at an expensive restaurant, and they have decided to go. They wait at the counter until a waitress assigns them a table.

Waitress Salazar: "Thank you for waiting, right this way if you will." He walks to a clean table fitting for three people. As the guests take their seat, he hands them the menus.

Steve: Looks at the long list on the menu. "Wow, there's a lot of food to choose from!"

Claire: "Sir, may we have some time to order?"

Waitress Salazar: "Sure, call me up when you are ready." He walks away.

_**[A/N: Yes I mean **__**Waitress**__**! You'll find out why soon.]**_

Sherry: Places the menu down on the table "I know what I want."

Claire: "Already?"

Sherry: "Yes, I don't really care what I eat. I am just so hungry!"

Steve: "I think I'll have the veggie soup."

Claire: She collects the menus and calls up the waitress. "Sir! We're ready to place our order."

Waitress Salazar: Walks up to the table and pulls out a notepad and pen. "Now what will it be?"

Claire: "I'll have the steak combo with mash potatoes and green beans for the side."

Waitress Salazar: Writes down the order. "What about your drink?"

Claire: "Iced tea, please."

Waitress Salazar: Continues to write down orders. "What about the kid?"

Sherry: "I want chicken strips, mash potatoes, corn on the cob and fried onions. As for my drink, I want a chocolate milkshake."

Steve: "I want a vegetable soup and that'll be all for me."

Waitress Salazar: "Is that all?"

Claire: "Yes." She hands him the menus.

Waitress Salazar: "Alright then, it will be awhile for your meal so please wait patiently."

Steve: "We'll be waiting."

Waitress Salazar: "Good." He takes the menus and goes to the next set of customers.

To be continued…..

The next set of customers will demonstrate the wrong way to behave and act while ordering and waiting for their orders.

The **wrong** way to handle your etiquette/manners at the table: Situation 2- Six _'friendly acquaintances' _were hungry on the job and decided to stop at this restaurant, however they are impatient and very bored. As they wait for a table to be cleared, they start up a ruckus.

Chris: "How long are we going to have to wait? I'm starving!"

Jill: "This is supposed to be a five star restaurant? Alexia, is this your idea of eating out?"

Alexia: She turns away with disgrace. "I don't eat anywhere that's not professional nor cheap! Besides my dear brother Alfred, recommended this place. He said it was absolutely delightful, we have to eat here!"

Chris: "Oh God, _he_ recommended this place?!"

Alexia: "Yes, and he's always right!"

Nemesis: "Stars!"

Alexia: "See, even lumpy here agrees." Points to Nemesis.

Jill: "What???"

Chris: "Well this is stupid, who wants to eat at a place called Applebee's anyways. What do they serve, apples loaded with bumble bees on a silver platter???"

Barry: "This place doesn't look that bad, the food smells good."

Wesker: "Why am I wasting my time here, this is absurd. I don't need to eat like you pathetic humans do."

Chris: "Get over it Wesker! You used to be human too!"

Wesker: Irritating adversary, I am beyond your standard human abilities. How many times must I throw you into a wall to prove it?"

Chris: He's grinding his teeth. "Power doesn't make you better than anyone!"

Wesker: Smiles wickedly. "Really?" Slams Chris up against the wall with one hand, and holds him up by his neck.

Chris: Trying to free himself. "Errr.."

Waitress Salazar: Walks up to the small group of people. "Hey! No killing the customers, save that for later! Now if you don't mind, I will show you to your table." He starts walking off.

Nemesis: "Stttaaarrrsss…???"

Wesker: "Consider yourself lucky. Blasted Redfield luck!" Drops Chris and follows the waitress.

Jill: Knelt down to Chris. "You alright? You know we can leave if you want."

Chris: **O.O **"NO WAY! They have a midget in _this_ restaurant?! I've never seen one in person! We've gotta stay! I have so many questions!" Gets up and runs for the waitress.

Jill: (He just has to have a freaky fetish for midgets. Poor idiot.) "Uuuuhhh…"

Waitress Salazar: He brings the group to a large table, everyone takes a seat. He then lays a stack of menus on the table. "Here are the menus and feel free to order as much as you like. Call me back when you are ready." He starts to walk away.

Chris: Stares happily at the midget waitress. "I can't believe it, a real live midget!"

Waitress Salazar: Turns around slowly. "Excuse me…?"

Chris: He points at the midget. "You're a real midget!"

Waitress Salazar: "How dare you! I am not a midget, I am… just short is all!"

Jill: Whispers to Chris. "Chris, you shouldn't bother the waiter."

Waitress Salazar: "I heard that you infidel! I am not a waiter, but a waitress!"

Alexia: "_It,…_ looks and sounds like a male to me."

Waitress Salazar: "What?"

Jill: "Waitresses are female, idiot midget."

Waitress Salazar: "No, you are wrong! The title of Waitress is given to the best and more higher classed employees! Besides, Waitress has such a beautiful and elegant ring to it!"

Alexia: "Yeah, because it's for poor women and you are just a _poor midget man_."

Waitress Salazar: "LIES!!!"

Barry: Rises from the table. "Waiter, Waitress, Whatever! I am ready to order, if… you don't mind!"

Waitress Salazar: Angrily holds a pen and notepad. "Fine, what will you have?"

Barry: "I'll have six Steak Fajitas, three Sizzling Apple Pie slices, five Mozzarella sticks, a twenty piece Buffalo Chicken Wings basket, two Fried Chicken Salads, a 9 oz. House Sirloin, two Parmesan Tilapias, and a Chicken Quesadilla Grande with crispy bacon, freshly-made pico de gallo and a hint of chipotle pepper." Just sits and smiles. _**n_n **_

Waitress Salazar: Glares at him. "Sir this is a restaurant, not a buffet you gluttonous buffoon!"

Barry: "This isn't a buffet?…. Where am I ?"

Alexia: "You're at an very expensive restaurant and I am paying for the food, so just choose a meal already!"

Barry: "So you are paying eh? Fine, I would like one of everything please."

Waitress Salazar: Eye twitches. "Fine, stuff your pathetic face full!"

Chris: Waves his hand in the air. "I have a question."

Waitress Salazar: "What?"

Chris: "What is it like to be a midget? Like can you run fast with short legs?"

Waitress Salazar: Jumps around angrily. "I am not a midget! I am only short, and yes I can run pretty quick!!!

Jill: "Yeah, for a midget."

Waitress Salazar: Continues to jump around. "I am not a midget!!!"

Wesker: "Persistent little man."

Nemesis: Rolls it's eyes. (Starrrsss….)

Alexia: "Grrr…" Hand catches on fire. "Take our orders or else die, little midget man!"

Waitress Salazar: "Fine! Stu… inf…." He mumbles to himself.

Alexia: "Now I would like the Santa Fe Chicken Salad with no sour cream, two mozzarella sticks and lemonade. That will be all."

Jill: I want the *****12oz. New York Strip, mash potatoes, and the Honey BBQ Baby Backs, please."

Waitress Salazar, Chris, Wesker, Nemesis, Alexia, Steve, Claire, Sherry and Barry: Just stares at Jill.

Jill: Throws her arms in the air. "What???! I'm hungry, okay! I'm not gonna get fat!"

Nemesis: "Staaaarrrrssss?"

Waitress Salazar: Points to Nemesis. "What will he have?"

Nemesis: "S.T.A.R.S.!"

Alexia: "Just give him a soup, any kind."

Chris: Waves his hand out again. "Hey, what is it like being so small?"

Waitress Salazar: "None of your business!"

Chris: "Come on. Do you at least pick up the ladies easier?"

Waitress Salazar: "What?!"

Chris: "I was just wondering is all."

Waitress Salazar: "You are very annoying!"

Chris: "Yeah, I get that a lot."

Wesker: "And not just from me, either."

Waitress Salazar: "Just order something already!"

Chris: Okay, I want the steak combo with peas and mash potatoes on the side. For dessert I want the chocolate cookie dough sundae, preferably extra chocolate syrup. And I want a redbull to drink.

Waitress Salazar: Trying not to scream at Chris. "We… don't… have…. redbull!"

Chris: "Oh, well how about lemonade?"

Waitress Salazar: "We have that, at least," Turns to Wesker. "What about you?"

Wesker: "I demand a Steakhouse Burger with A. Steak Sauce, with mash potatoes and paired with steamed herb potatoes and seasonal vegetables. As for dessert; the Maple Butter Blondie and a cup of coffee will suffice."

Waitress Salazar: "We don't have coffee."

Wesker: Grabs the midget by the neck and holds him high off the floor, his eyes begin to glow red with rage, beaming through his dark shades. "I said,… I wanted coffee."

Waitress Salazar: Looks around, trying to avoid the intimidating glare. "Uh,… I guess I can make a quick trip to…. Umm… the local… Starbucks…… _Pleasedon'tkillme_."

Wesker: Drops the waitress.

Chris: "So when will our food be ready?"

Waitress Salazar: "When it's done, you moron!" He walks up to the counter.

Jill: "Ugh! We should of went to TGI Fridays. If I am going to wait for my food, then I at least want good food."

Alexia: "This place has good food, so shut it!"

Chris: "TGI Fridays? What is it post to stand for? **T**otally, **G**rotesque, **I**ngestibles? And let me guess… they only serve food on Fridays?"

Jill: "Chris!"

Chris: "What?! Is it my fault that the most expensive restaurants have the most weirdest names??? Possibly the weirdest food too!"

To be continued…

* * *

**A/N: Please Review! Sorry if I had to put this section into two parts, however, it's just soooo looooong! XD LOL! Next section will be fun! What not to do at a restaurant? Why starting a food fight, for starters! Expect this in the section 2. Thanks for reading and reviewing! Remember to send in more situations!**


End file.
